I love that picture just as much as Heather does.  In fact, we had it printed in a 10 x 13 and framed in Jackson’s room. Those 3 days are some what unexplainable. I have done my best to try to put it into words but there are some things you just cannot find the right words for. I don’t think any of us expected it to be this way.  I also don’t think it all quite sank in until months and months later, just how beautiful those moments with Heather were. But getting ready to go home was an emotional roller coaster on many levels. I was overly excited to be a mom and even more excited to be Jackson’s mom. But there was and probably always will be a part of me that is wondering how Heather is feeling about it all.

I remember JJ was trying to get some sleep before we all went home and I was going to take a shower. I remember, just crying in the shower. I was such an emotional wreck and not necessarily in a bad way, it was just an emotional few days. I had waited so long to become a mom, I had no idea it would be an immediate happiness.

I remember taking those pictures with Heather too. Heather wanted to take a picture with Jackson with our 3 hands on it, to symbolize that all 3 of us would always be with him.

I also remember watching Heather leave. Her dad pushed her in a wheelchair to the doors leaving the hospital. We were all saying our “goodbyes” in the lobby of the hospital. I don’t know what was really going on in my head but I knew my heart was exploding, exploding with joy for finally becoming a mom and an over abundance of joy to the woman who helped be get there, Heather. Their car drove away and a part of me questioned will we really see them again? An open adoption is essentially a gentleman’s agreement, once Jackson’s adoption was finalized we could have said, too bad, he is ours now and we don’t ever want to see you again. Or, the pain could have been too much for Heather and she could have said, I want him back. We really didn’t know when we were going to see her again, and I can perfectly picture them driving off in her dad’s car, like it happened just yesterday.

Our parents were meeting us at our house to welcome us home with our new baby, their new grandbaby. I am pretty sure my mom was and is just as excited to be Jackson’s grandma as I am to be his mom. It was so nice to have them there. You don’t realize how much your parents, especially your mom, do for you until you have a child of your own!!!

 

I found this poem awhile back and found it so fitting and true.

Mother to mother

Our love is one

Brought together

By a common son

With love filled tears

You let go of your boy

And my heart overflowed with the purest joy

I look in his eyes

And an angel is there

Bursting with love

Ready to share

Faraway thoughts

And dreams we can’t hear

He’s different I see

Yet precious and dear

I want you to know

When the moon takes the light

And he’s safe in his bed

I kiss him goodnight

And when to him I say

“Mommy loves you”

I say it from me

And I say it from you.

Mother to mother

Our love is one

Brought together

By a common son.

Author unknown

That day was filled with mixed emotions for everyone, but we knew that it wasn’t about us — it was about the love we all shared for this little baby.